So, to say I've been having a really hard time dealing with life right now is a HUGE understatement. Because I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY having a hard time dealing with life!!! My days are spent at school while Jackson is at home. My afternoons are spent at basketball practice while Jackson is at home. Some of my nights are spent at basketball games...while Jackson is at home....get me? I am SO physically and mentally exhuasted! I know the Lord has me in this position as a Coach and Teacher right now for a reason...but to be honest...life just sucks! I don't feel that I am being a good coach b/c my heart is with my family. I don't feel like I am being a good wife b/c my time/energy is spent with my team.
It doesn't help that my team is not what I hoped it would be. I have never seen so much apethy in my life!!! I mean REALLY! I came to the conclusion that I think some of the girls on the team just tried out or are on the team so that they could get into games free and watch the boys play. I have about 2 that really care and want to be there. We have not won a game all season and as a matter of fact are getting STOMPED! It hurts to care more than the girls on the team do. It makes me physically sick to my stomach to watch our game and then sit on the bleachers for the boys game and listen to my team cheer their little heads off for the boys. So sick in fact, that I loaded up the bus after our game last night and headed home. We lost by 58 points...yes I said 58!!!! And they didn't even seem to care. I wasn't going to let them sit there and care more about the boys game than they did their own.
Anyway...all that to say that the Lord is teaching me perseverance. Even when things are not as I would have them, when I am tired, and when I would be elsewhere. I am persevering for the sake of Christ...so that these girls will hopefully see Him through me. So, pray that I can not just "get through" these last 5 games. But that I would stand strong and be encouraged that the Lord too had to persevere. Therefore, I'm not alone.
"Therefore my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."
1 Corinthians 16:58
Thursday, January 6, 2011
My sweet baby boy is getting so big! I can't believe he's already 6 months old! Christmas was SO much fun with him! His favorite present was the wrapping that anything came in. He loved to shake, pull and try to eat all of the wrapping paper. For me, my favorite present was a picture of Jackson that Chris drew. (pics to come) He is such a good artist. No one would ever know because he doesn't draw much. He took some lessons when he was young, but it is UNREAL how well he can draw. I mean...I can't even draw a stick figure!
I couldn't believe that it was a white Christmas! Everything was BEAUTIFUL!! We loved waking up to the snow falling! It began to stick around 11am and was so pretty all over the ground!
The next day we decided to make Jackson his first snowman. It was too cold for him to come out. So, he watched from the window. He wanted to come play too!
I love watching my little man! He's so curious about everything. He loves touching and looking at things. He is getting so big! I don't like the fact that he is growing up...but I love to watch him grow and learn new things!
Going back to school as been really rough on me. I didn't think it could get much worse...but then I started basketball. I love the girls that I coach but nothing compares to time with my baby! I have been so sad to leave him in the mornings and know that I won't see him until at least 6:30 every night...game nights it's around 9! I don't like it one bit! I know that the Lord has me in this position for a reason and I want to make the most of it. But oh how I miss my little man!
It has been so rough on me that I have decided to take next year off and be at home with him. I won't get this time with him back. 88 more days of school!...But who's counting? :-)